Couple Counseling

Are you losing the spark in your relationship? Is your communication at home now filled with anger or sarcasm? Are you becoming less intimate—both in and out of the bedroom? Couple counseling can help whether or not you are married, and with both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. It can help to improve a relationship that is in trouble, or help to fine-tune a relationship that is overall strong and healthy. It can help a couple establish good communication skills and negotiate conflicting needs to start a marriage out on the right path. It can even help you end a relationship gracefully, reducing emotional harm to yourselves and your children. 

Remember the saying “opposites attract?” Perhaps what drew you to your partner now drives you crazy. It is not unusual for each partner to take on a certain role, and often these roles are in opposition, leading to conflict.

Some common roles include:

  • Pursuer—focusing on emotional connection with your partner
  • Distancer—striving to keep emotional distance from your partner
  • Over-achiever—taking on more than your share of responsibility in a relationship—
    “driving the bus”
  • Underachiever—not living up to your potential in a relationship—“taking the back seat”
  • Shame-based—believing that you are defective, unworthy, no good
  • Grandiose—believing that you are extremely important, powerful, and know what is best

Couple counseling can help you move closer to the middle of these extremes, achieving a balance in yourself and in your relationship. As you move out of the black and white, and live in the gray, you will begin to see the benefits of your differences, and begin to rely on the traits in your partner that you once disparaged.

Couple counseling can help address issues such as:

  •  Anger/Conflict
  • Communication Problems
  • Financial Stress
  • Infidelity
  • Loss of Intimacy
  • Parenting Issues
  • Perceived Inequalities in Workload          

Couple counseling may not be an easy process. It is difficult to come in and discuss conflict in a vulnerable way in the presence of the person with whom you are struggling. There may be long periods of silence—both in the therapy room an at home—as you both deal with the feelings that have come up in session. You may leave the counseling session feeling worse than when you arrived. In this case, you have allowed yourself to go back into hurtful material so that you can learn from it and ultimately heal.

When you come to see us for couple counseling, it will not be a replay of the last week’s fights. While it is sometimes important to discuss the most recent difficulty, having the fight all over again in session in not helpful. We will help you view the conflict in a historical, interpersonal context, and facilitate a genuine dialogue about what it is that each of you wants and needs, so that when similar issues come up you can now make a conscious, informed choice of how to respond.

If you would like to learn how to change the dance of your relationship, to be effortlessly in step with one another, give us a call.